I'm climbing a spiral staircase and not hoping to turn again...

Thursday, October 27, 2005

Have you ever had the feeling hat there’s just a bit too much to do, too much to think about in life? Makes me think about those two lines in the lion king song: ‘There is more to be seen Than can ever be seen More to do Than can ever be done…’ So after the SAT, I had to catch up on studies, in which I was sadly lagging behind (a B on a business test, imagine that!)…and these fasts make every day so full…I get home, you sleep until 4:30, then you get up to help with iftari, then you laze around, feeling too full to do anything but go to sleep again…when do I have the time to sit down and write blog posts?I have enuff trouble keeping up w/ my poetry… And if I do write, what do I write about? The people fighting over sacks of rice and that old woman walking away empty-handed from a relief camp? The people suffering but only real to me in the pictures? Or shall I write about how poetry is coming out of my pen 24/7 since the SAT finished? Or about how the earthquake was predicted again, first on the 27th, then on the 28th, and now on the 31st? Or how only two fixed people are online whenever I come here?Maybe I dun wanna write anything at all…at the moment…the last ten days of Ramzan are fleeting by….and it is these 10 days which move a Muslim from hell to heaven…so I think I’ll remember my Allah and remember poetry another time…I think I’m in hell rite now…must do sumthing abt it…until then...tc all of you…

Saturday, October 22, 2005

must i update? it seems so futile...i'm working on a short story and several poems now that the SAT's over and nuthin much can be done abt the earthquake victims now...my mom won't let me donate blood cuz i'm too young, and of course, a sensitive person like me wud only create havoc by bursting into tears if i'm allowed to go and help at any camps.... so, there's only studies for me...and as i never give them so much importance i've strated writing at top speed after a break of abt 4 months...i'm luvin it, but it's all extra-depressed because of that earthquake... i think i'll update in more detail another time....now, i dunno what to write...there's just so much i'm thinking of rite now...my online friends, my school friends, the fact that the quake caused more victims than the tsunami, or the pics i'm seeing everyday...a woman leaving a relief camp empty-handed, a small child clinging to the hand of an army officer,ppl fighting over a sack of rice....and me here absolutley absorbed in comfort and guilt. sigh...

Sunday, October 09, 2005

The SAT’s over…but now it seems so insignificant compared to what happened the very same day, and the same time. I am talking, of course, of the earthquake…reportedly, the largest earthquake in the history of Pakistan, recorded at 7.5 on the Richter scale, with aftershocks of 5 to 6 expected in the next 48 hours In Lahore an old building fell down in Shalmi...there are cracks in the Lahore museum and in the Alfalah building…but the utmost havoc within Pakistan was created in Islamabad….the middle tower of Margalla towers, a residential apartment building, is completely destroyed. It fell down...just like that…a huge building containing so many people, with their children…their lives, all that they have dreamed of was crushed under the rubble of the very building which gave them shelter. It happened so unexpectedly…I was sitting tensely in a chair in Avari Hotel, about to give my SAT 2, when all of I sudden I stared feeling dizzy…except that I wasn’t dizzy at all, it was the whole room which was dizzy… Pakistan has received so few earthquakes, especially in the developed areas, that we couldn’t think of what do for some time…and then everyone went crazy…and the old American woman told us all to get up and go out…I guess that lead to the real panic…the feeling that this was dangerous enough for us to run for our lives…anyway, everyone left their passports, cell phones, all the worldly things they had brought were just left behind like so much trash…and all I thought abt any of my belongings was a flashing back to my passport, which I viewed as my identity and necessity, but nothing could have been done if the earthquake had lasted much longer. Of course, the idiot guys there HAD to be badtameez even when their lives were in peril….as we were going out a guy stopped and said in a mock-baby voice ‘Auntie, kya yeh zalzala hai?’…a great, big, man of abt six feet and in his late teens….he ought to be ashamed of himself….joking around when the thing to do was to pray for Allah’s forgiveness…it could have been his last moment, what did he know… As it was, nothing happened to Avari (Alhamdolillah), and we were just standing in the corridor outside, wondering what to do, when we were told to turn around and come back...so we gave our test…two other amazingly stupid guys who weren’t registered for the SAT came in and tried to give the test but they were caught and sent out…I had a terrific headache after that shaking…and it was all over. Except for the American lady who thought the earthquake was nothing compared to Japan, where the buildings were made oin springs and people laugh at u if u ran out if things weren’t falling yet. There were calls from Karachi all day from our relatives, asking if we were all right…friends called, messaged, e-mailed to ensure that we were ok…it was so touching…to see all those people caring about u…thinking of you when disaster strikes…it’s so comforting to know that if u die, there will be people who would cry for u and miss u...even if u weren’t related to them by blood or marriage…even if u’d never seen them in your whole life…they just want to know if u’re ok. Thanks so much, guys… I didn’t know the exact extent of the destruction even when I heard about the tower falling …the cable has been malfunctioning ever since Ramzan started, so when we went to visit my phuppo at night, the news documentary on Geo was a great shock…but the biggest shock of all were these four words that showed up on the screen…words which I’d never even thought I’d have seen…Pakistan Earthquake Relief Fund…it seemed so scary...we really needed help…from ourselves and from others…it wasn’t India which received the full impact of an earthquake, it wasn’t a tsunami which destroyed Malaysia, not a hurricane in America, not an earthquake in turkey…it was us, us who suffered directly, and in the month of Ramzan too…believe me, there was nothing so pitiful as the way in which iftari was being distributed among people who had been rendered homeless that day. It was like Allah had given us a huge slap in the face, like He was saying ‘Wake up, my people, the highest of my creations! You think you are so safe in your homes, your wealth, your possessions, your children…but they cannot last, they can never protect you…I can take it all from you within one second…you have all lost control of your senses, you are all so much in love with the world you forget that death is REALITY, that everything has to return to Me…so much in love with life that you forget the afterlife’ I have never been so afraid of Allah as I was when the ground beneath my feet started shaking…there is only Him we can turn to at times like this…they say that earthquakes are a sign of Qiyamat, the Day of Judgment is approaching…and then everything will certainly be taken from us except our deeds…just like it was taken from everyone who died in their apartments. Now, when all is said and done, there is till that fear that more tremors are predicted…Allah have mercy on us…