I sometimes get this gut feeling that things…the world in general, the morals and ethics that characterize human beings, the choices we make in life, and life itself…everything just keeps getting worse and worse. And there’s nothing much we can do about it. And it would never get better. No matter how optimistic people can be, they all are scared inside. They’re scared that nothing will ever come to a good end, or worse, that nothing will ever end, but just keep going round and round until they either go mad from exhaustion or die. And if they’re not scared, then they’re even worse than any of that.

I’m still blankly staring at life, trying to figure out where I’m going, what I’m doing, and whether it would ever come to anything. I’m still trying to figure out not what love is, but whether it’s even there. Or was ever there. Maybe in the future, love would have a new meaning in the dictionary-maybe love would come to be a word meaning something which never existed and can never exist. Can you picture it? A rooster’s egg is love. A Parsee’s grave is love…sometimes my own ideas bewilder me.

I’m also still blankly staring at my reflection, so fascinated by it-t never shows the same girl twice. When I look into myself, I never see anything twice. Everything’s so shaky, so unstable, and it never stays still. How are you supposed to make sense of something that never stays still? Newton should have made another law-anything that doesn’t stay still cannot be made sense of, and whoever tries would be wasting his or her life.

On a final note, I was supposed to be writing three paragraphs of full text for my Composition Writing & Communication assignment at the time I wrote this…and I sure wish I could hand these three paragraphs in instead of crap about institutions making human beings out of students rather than preparing them for specific jobs. When will the world ever learn sense?

i'm not supposed to use the lab for nething but my student mail and registration...but when did rules ever apply to me? if i followed the rules and waited until the proper office hours for a certain instructor to help me in my woes, i wudn't have to be here orkutting, blogging and reading other ppl's scraps. But as luck wud have it, the people i want usually come strolling along in a few minutes. God is merciful... i have been in this same seat, at the same computer for 2 hours. The keyboard is rock-hard. All my friends have gone home. My back aches. My mom left without picking me up. I got lost while lookin for an instructor in the faculty wing. i got lost while looking for the masjid on the campus (in the end i had to climb up on a wall, shade my eyes and look for the spires in the distance). My friends are just as confused as i am. And the bloody light above my head can't make up its mind whether its on or off! trust me to go into the most dilapidated lab when all the others were full... my only consolation is that i'm not living in the hostels. I'd have gotten lost evry night and have to sleep in the superstore, the only place i kno the way to...but i think i'm settling down. Yes, i ceratainly am growing up, even if i don't want to. hurray for me...

after uni today, i went to the bathroom and saw a bottle of turpentine labelled POISON: DO NOT SWALLOW--at that moment, i would have like nothing better than to drink it all up...and to think this was only the second day...

my first day in university...so sweet na? let's see, i'm wandering around with friends of friends, trying to make new friends and yet feeling as if i won't make any close friends here. There's just no TIME. Verify certificates, find acquiantances, photocopy stuff, swap sections,place oredrs for books...its sooo hectic!!!The Composition Writing and Communication class was great tho...i think i'll always sit in the front row, since that way i can't see anyone who could be looking at me when i speak in class. I'm crazy, i really am...even tho i CAN speak my mind when i want to, i start getting hot all over when i can see if someone looking at me...NOT the kind of attitude u want in university. and to help matters along, the person who designed the building was a mentally disturbed, sadistic creature; the whole bloody academic block is a circle, with one door the same as the next, and all six entrances exactly the same as the main entrance.-I have gotten lost a dozen times here...HOWARD ROARK WANTED!!!!! Thankfully, there's no hint of ragging here...the closest the seniors got to were asking us our dadi's names and our shoe size wen we were giving our introduction...a bit pathetic, but i'm ok with it...lolzzz i meant this post to be a lot longer, but my mind's a whole muddle from the pressure...till the next post then, pray for me, tc, and gud luck in watever u do...