Numb...

Mugs of tea(as it’s supposedly healthier than coffee), textbooks forming a cage about me, messaging and mis-calling in the middle of the night, making study plans which are destroyed the very next day by news of yet another extremely important test, literature texts never-ending, and absolutely NO interest in studies… These are the objects which have defined my life from last week ad will continue to do so until the 27th of December. All that admission crap is seeking to drive me crazy too…had to get my pic taken today on an unflattering light blue background instead of black…write an application listing all the darned activities I’ve ever done in A levels…YES, I had ALL the time in the world to be involved in activities, now, didn’t I?…and then chij messages and claims that her blog posts are too literature-ish for anyone else to understand them…so for the sake of camaraderie…I am now online, dashing off a quick post while appearing offline…and which, incidently, is now, finished as far as I’m concerned…luv you all….tc, cya…and pray for me HARD

Back again to the daily grind...

This time, our eid stretched for 5 days instead of the usual 3…and none of them felt like eid at all….just felt like five huge family reunions. But this was what I wished for, and I’m not one to complain if I get a little tired and more than a little cranky at the never-ending stream of relatives that poured in from every nook and cranny of that lovely, congested, virus-infected city by the sea… But I must admit I heaved a HUGE sigh of relief when I finally got back to Lahore…seriously, Lahore’s like some ultra-clean, spick and span place abroad after you’ve been exposed to the everlasting trucks, the consequently ruined roads, and the terror of Karachi. Why do I say terror? Because that city’s chock-full of bloody criminals!…everyone I talk to has either been mugged themselves, or else someone from their immediate family has been held at gunpoint, kidnapped, had their car stolen and what not…crazy city… And I am sick. Physically, mentally, psychologically…and every other way. My mind refuses to work, my teachers refuse to think of me as a human being, and my cousin refuses to go back to Karachi, and my family refuses to eat at home any night of the week. I am sick of the weird silence in the house when my sis goes to university at odd hours. I am sick of my li’l sis’s whines because her homework isn’t perfect and she hasn’t rattofied every reader in her course. I am sick of finding the most wonderful books everywhere I go and having to stop my self because there are only 26 days to go before the exams I am sick of the unfinished poems making my school file so fat and my desk so messy I am sick of the literature teachers who sing my praises to my mom at the PTC and then express their anxiety about my oh-so-sad face in class… I am sick and tired of MECHANICS, which I understand perfectly but forget all about the next second… I am sick of Strings’ forum, or borum, as joy so very aptly calls it…it has nothing in it and will never be what the old stringers made it… This post was originally twice the length it is, but I have cut out half the complaints… Well, I have now resolved not to come back here until I am absolutely satisfied with my studies for the day…from now on, I am just locking myself up in that darned drawing room, and neatofy my notes, rattofy definitions, start revising everything and making life hell for myself…so long and so goodbye!

So, the second-last or the last day of Ramzan is finally here…and now Eid’s just around the corner, the choti Eid that is celebrated with so much more fervor and excitement than Eid-ul-Bakra. I guess after fasting every day from sunrise to sunset for a month, not listening to music or watching TV(for most of us, anyway), feeling generally tired and weak most of the day does give one cause to celebrate when one has sacrificed so much for so long. Abstaining from food and drink, especially in summer, is a much bigger sacrifice than a few bakras and a cow. Even though this year…it’s not the same. Not for me, not for many people…October 8th is something that will affect even this. Not that I dun feel like celebrating Eid, but it’s just that the excitement is somewhat tamed…thinking about what has happened to all those families, the rich as well as the poor…any description of their plight would be but a cliché. It’s ironic, because this is probably going to be the best Eid of my life. I have not told anyone who visits this blog other than waj, because it wasn’t final yet…but I’m going to Karachi for Eid for the first time in my life. And what is Eid all about? It’s meeting your relatives, chilling out with cousins, family outings, etc, which we dun get time for in the normal days. And where is my family? Except for a few in Lahore and abroad, they’re all stuffed into Karachi for some inexplicable reason. I mean, all of them are originally from Delhi, but after the partition, half goes to Lahore, half to Karachi, after a few years, they all shift to Karachi or go to America or Saudi Arabia…crazy bunch of people…no wonder I’m the way I am… Anyways, my Eid was always pretty boring, with half my Lahori cousins taking off for Karachi, remaining relatives taken care of in the first 2 hours of Eid day, and the rest of eid spent visiting my father’s friends *YAWNNNNN*…but this time, oh, this time!!!! Now, my dad simply HATES Karachi because the climate makes him sick, so he never goes with us if he can help it, but THIS TIME, my Taya’s called him and ordered him to come and visit him...for his ‘aakhri Eid’…my Taya has cancer, incurable, not a thing to be happy about, but he’s more depressed than anything else, so it’s incumbent on my dad to keep fulfilling his ‘aakhri khwahishain’ for as long as Taya likes, which, incidentally, have been going on for more than a year. I’ll write about his pain some other time…it’s not the time to think abt death right now. Hence, I’m off to Karachi to celebrate Eid as it should be celebrated for the first time in my life…but it’s going to be a much quieter affair than before…just because even while smiling and laughing, and getting excited about seeing my cousins again…something just strikes me here whenever my cup threatens to run over…