scaredy-cat

Sometimes the smallest, most trivial of things scare me, and at other times I don’t get scared at all. I’ll watch the scariest horror movie late into the night (alone) and then go to sleep quite peacefully. I’ve never been scared of the dark, not as far as I or anyone else can remember. The best parts of staying up late with cousins or with friends (on field trips) for me were the ghost stories we told each other. I’d get a real thrill out of them, but I’ve never been unable to sleep or go into a certain room for sheer fright, even if a lizard were in the room. But some little things simply terrify me, especially my thoughts. Sometimes I think such scary thoughts that I feel frightened of myself…but how can you run away from urself? I think about losing my right hand in an accident or something, and I immediately grab it and hold it close…God forbid I should lose that old, faithful thing…I’ll never write again! I also think the weirdest things about what would happen if I were insane and never knew it, that these thoughts I’m thinking were really the thoughts of a mad person. And my blog posts were just the ravings of a lunatic…. The strangest thing I was (all right, I AM!) afraid of are the spots on the rug on the floor of the TV lounge. The rug itself it green and brown, but there’s this flower on it which has a center of reddish-brown dots…and they look EXACTLY like dried blood! I can’t stand them, I simply can’t. They send these really weird shivers up my spine…and not the good kind either. The last time I was sitting on that rug, I’d forgotten abt them, and believe me- it’s a real shock to see something that looked like dried blood near your hand! Those red spots completely spoil the atmosphere of that room…if there had been more spots like that I’d have been convinced that a murder was committed on that rug…but they’re just the center of a flower, for heavens’ sakes! But until and unless they’re covered with a book or something I can’t feel at ease in my own lounge! I really should get a grip on myself…I’m very very weird… But right now all I feel is pity for this blog…my poor, poor blog…invaded by unknown (not!) creatures from outer space…*sniff*